Am I really going to spend the rest of my life with one person? I have written off marriage, right next to “never having babies” for almost my whole life. My parents had a somewhat unconventional divorce and it was tough to go through as a kid. I told myself I would never put myself in the position where I would end up in a divorce (or end up having to have kids go through it). So you could imagine my panic when Nick got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. But it was a strange panic. Not like a “OMG I don’t want to marry you panic” but a,” I hope I don’t fuck this up, panic.” I even blacked out (I think this might be normal though?).
What is a marriage?
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy for my parents when they got a divorce. They tried really hard to fix what they had broken, and never fought in front of us kids. But, maybe that’s what made it so hard on me, because it sort of came out of nowhere and my world crashed before I knew it. So yeah, for the majority of my life I have never really seen a healthy, successful marriage. Both of my parents got remarried, and added even more confusion, but can two people stay together for the rest of their lives?
I always joked around about getting married. I had dreams about planning a beautiful wedding. Then shortly after, I would be reminded that there’s the marriage after the honeymoon. There’s that fine print again. My mom even talked about me being the first to get married out of my sisters (not sure where that came from, since I was the one to go against the grain and do what people said I wouldn’t do). But I guess she was right? Because here I am getting ready to plan a wedding.
When You Know, You Know
But I guess they say, when you know you know. I may not know much of anything about a healthy marriage, but I do know I want to spend the rest of my life with Nick. I always said I want to do what my parents didn’t, so maybe knowing what not to do is still as useful as knowing what to do. So, let the odds be ever in our favor.
So, now for the real fun, wedding plannnningggg! But, I swear if I ever start talking about wanting babies, you know I need to be checked into the looney bin.